Kettle Brand Krinkle Cut Chips

Dear Kettle Brand Krinkle Cut Chips,
The other day I purchased a couple of bags of your chips, the Buffalo Bleu chips, (Did you know you misspelled Blue?) and was enjoying them before I cracked a beer. (I know?!) I suddenly found myself reliving experiences I had in Uranium City in 1981. I was living in a mining camp and broke my tooth on a rock embedded in a fish. The cook just laughed and said “I guess you got a rockfish.” Then the whole camp laughed at me and called me Rockfish all summer and it bugged the hell out of me.
You see, I found a rock embedded in one of your chips. Caught right there in the Krinkle. A pretty big rock too, those Krinkles are wide. I decided to take a few pictures of the rock to show you. I had my wife, who was there, point at it for scale. I am going to keep the rock in a safe place. I have chosen a clam. In fact, I even kept what was left of the chip for you. I put them both in the clam and am keeping them for you should you want to do an analysis. I’ll send you a couple of photos for your evidence file if you want to take the farmer to task. I got kind of creative after I cracked the beer and I thought you might want to see them too.
There’s a couple where the gleam of the flash highlights the oily sheen on it kind of like that Annie Leibovitz portrait of George Clooney. Then I started posing the clam with the chip and rock like an oyster and pearl. Then there’s a couple with your potato chip bags in the background like mountains. I kind of like the composition.
What should I do with the rock? I could send it to you in the clam if you want.
Eric Pittman;
084114113245
27 mar09
04:192717

















Jane Winston wrote:
>
> Hello Eric:
>
> Thank you for contacting us. We are sorry to hear you found a rock in a bag of Kettle Brand® Potato Chips. We apologize for this and really appreciate you letting us know about it. Thank you for providing us with the code date information from the bag. This will help us in determining how this happened. We will have an internal investigation.
>
>
> We'd like to send you some replacements as a token of our apology, and in that box we will include a self-addressed box. It would be very helpful in our investigation if you would send back the entire bag, along with the item. Does this sound OK? What flavors can we send you in the box?
>
> We will wait to hear back from you before proceeding. Thanks, again, for letting us know about this. Also, we wanted to let you know that despite the serious nature of the letter you wrote, it was so creative-are you a writer by profession?
>
> Jane Winston
> Public Affairs
> Kettle Foods


From: Eric Pittman
Sent: Tuesday, March 24, 2009 12:11 AM
To: Jane Winston
Subject: Re: Consumer Feedback

Hi Jane
Thanks for getting back to me.
I’m sorry you need an internal investigation, I had one last year and I had to fast and then drink some foul tasting liquid. I wasn’t allowed any chips. Is it some kind of punishment for you?
Anyway, I have kept everything clammy safe for you. I figured you would want to have the rock and chip back. I keep most of my valuables in mollusks because nobody ever looks inside them. They make excellent shipping containers too as you will soon find out.
I'll also send the empty bag back. (I ate the rest of the chips.) I'm excited that you are going to send me some of your fine products. I had a look at your website to see your flavours and you have way more then I ever see in the stores. I have never tried the Death Valley Chipotle or Cheddar Beer. They sound really delicious. Chili Lime is always good and of course, I would like the Buffalo Bleu chips and the Island Jerk chips. They sound like they were made for me. (One is misspelled so it makes me feel smarter and I live on an island.)
You can surprise me too, but no Salt and Vinegar please. It gives me chapped lips.
I guess if you are giving me chips I might be a professional writer now. Will you be telling the tax department?
Here are some photos like I promised too.
Eric



Jane Winston wrote:
> Thanks, Eric:
> The box should be on its way this week for the mollusk pick up. By the way, the 'rock' actually looks like an overfried piece of potato starch (feels like a rock) that while rare like a pearl, is harmless in ingredients. Glad you did not hurt your tooth.
> Thanks for letting us know.
> Jane



Original Message --------
Subject: Re: Consumer Feedback
Date: Sun, 29 Mar 2009 09:12:51 -0800
From: Eric Pittman
To: Jane Winston
Hi Jane
I got the box of chips the other day. I took what you said about the rock being a piece of over cooked potato starch into consideration and started my own investigation. I went down to the local Compassion Club and borrowed their scale which they use to weigh out pot for patients. My plan was to work out the specific gravity and compare rocks to potato starch. Unfortunately it was too light to weigh so I had to rely on the experience of the old hippie behind the counter. He tells me if that rock was a piece of hash it would cost about $3.00, which would make it about one fifth of a gram. Then I got sidetracked and started weighing the chip and rock and then the clam, chip and rock. Still, the best I could come up with was the non-specific gravity. The clam, chip and rock combined weigh 39.2 grams or 40.9 when taped shut. Then I ate all the chips.
I guess that’s probably not useful for your investigation though.
I’m sending it to you in the box you provided. Thanks for the chips. I’ll keep an eye (or tooth) out for more rocks and let you know if I find any.
Oh yeah, sorry about the chewing gum on the bottom of the clam, but I needed something to keep it stable while I took photos. It’s Stride Sweet Peppermint.
Eric